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#1  Roliga historier DavidM
2006-02-17 01:52:42

Kvinnor som letar Äkta make

Äkta make-supervaruhus öppnade nyligen där kvinnor kunde gå och välja en make bland många män. Det består av fem våningar, där männens positiva egenskaper ökade ju längre upp man kom.

Den enda regeln var, när du har öppnat dörren till en våning, MÅSTE du välja en man från den våningen; om du gick upp en våning kunde du inte gå tillbaka förutom för att lämna varuhuset och aldrig komma tillbaka igen.

Ett par väninnor gick till varuhuset för att hitta några äkta makar...

Första våningen: På dörren satt en skylt som sa: "Dessa män har jobb och älskar barn." Kvinnorna läste skylten och sa: "Tja, det är bättre än att vara arbetslös och inte gilla barn, men jag undrar vad som finns längre upp?". Så de gick en våning upp.

Andra våningen: Skylten sa: "Dessa män har välbetalda jobb, älskar barn och ser extremt bra ut." "Hmmm, " sa damerna, "Men jag undrar vad som finns på nästa våning?"

Tredje våningen: Den här skylten sa: "Dessa män har välbetalda jobb, ser extremt bra ut, älskar barn och hjälper till med hushållsarbetet." "Wow, " sa kvinnorna, "mycket frestande." Men det fanns en våning till så de gick högre upp.

Fjärde våningen: Den här dörren hade en skylt där det stod: "Dessa män har välbetalda jobb, älskar barn, ser extremt bra ut, hjälper till med hushållsarbetet och är väldigt romantiskt lagda." "Oh, kära nån!" utbrast kvinnorna, "Tänk bara vad som måste finnas på nästa våning!" Så de gick vidare upp till den femte våningen.

Femte våningen: Skylten på dörren sa: "Den här våningen är tom och finns bara till för att bevisa att kvinnor är helt jävla omöjliga att behaga. utgången finns till vänster, vi hoppas att ni ramlar i trapporna.

**********************************************'

ETT BLAD UR HUSTRUNS DAGBOK

Lördag
Maken var konstig idag.
Vi hade bestämt en träff på NK för att dricka en kopp kaffe.
Jag hade shoppat med väninnorna hela dagen och jag tänkte att han kanske var lite sårad för att jag var lite sen.
Men han sa ingenting om det.
Samtalet flöt inte alls, han vara tystlåten.
Jag föreslog att vi skulle flytta oss lite så vi fick mera tystare platser i cafeterian, så vi kunde prata.
Han gick med på det men var tyst i alla fall.
Jag frågade honom om han hade bekymmer och han svarade: Inget speciellt.
Jag frågade om det var mitt fel att han var tystlåten och han svarade:
Det är inget, inget du behöver bekymra dig om. På vägen hem sa jag att jag älskade honom, han log och fortsatte att köra.
Jag kunde inte förstå hans beteende och jag vet inte varför han inte svarade på min kärleksförklaring.
Hemma kände jag att jag min man hade försvunnit lång bort, som om han inte längre ville hitta mig. Han bara satt och glodde på tv och verkade långt borta.
Till slut gick jag och lade mig och maken följde efter en stund.
Förvånande svarade han på min kärlek och på mina smekningar, vi älskade, men han kändes fortfarande långt borta.
Kände att jag inte längre orkade, så jag tog upp saken med honom, men märkte att han redan somnat.
Grät mig till sömns.
Jag vet inte vad jag ska göra. Är redan säker på att han har ett förhållande med någon.
Mitt liv är en katastrof

ETT BLAD UR MAKENS DAGBOK:
Lördag
Sverige förlorade idag, men jag fick i alla fall sex.

**************************************************

#2  Sv: Roliga historier feather
2006-02-17 03:17:03

*ROTFL!*
:-D

Herreguuu mänska du har ju humor!!!

#3  What Outranks A Princess? vitastjerna
2006-02-17 08:34:26

A British Airway's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously
gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he
served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came
swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers:

"Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane
shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that
would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a
well-dressed rather exotic-looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines" he said, "I asked you
to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the
ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant
replied, without missing a beat, "Well sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm
called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up bitch."

#4  Sv: Roliga historier vitastjerna
2006-02-17 08:35:15

Three men are sitting in the maternity ward of a hospital waiting for the
imminent birth of their respective children. One is an Irish man, one a
Traveller and the other a Pakistani. They are all very nervous and pacing
the floor - as you do in these situations. All of a sudden the doctor
bursts through the double doors saying "Gentlemen you won't believe this
but your wives have all had their babies within 5 minutes of each other."
The men are beside themselves with happiness and joy.

"And", said the doctor, "They have all had little boys."

The fathers are ecstatic and congratulate each other over and over.

"However we do have one slight problem," the doctor said.
In all the confusion we may have mixed the babies up getting them to the
nursery and would be grateful if you could join us there to try and help
identify them."

With that the Irishman raced passed the doctor and bolted to the nursery.
Once inside he picked up a dark skinned infant saying, "there's no doubt
about it, this boy is mine!" The doctor looked bewildered and said,
"Well sir of all the babies I would have thought that maybe this child
could be of Pakistani descent."

"That's a maybe", said the Irishman, "but one of the other two is a
fu*king knacker and I'm not taking the risk."

#5  Sv: Roliga historier suvi
2006-02-17 09:29:31

"When my mother found out I was gay she sent me to a Catholic School for girl. Really smart done. Sending me to live with five hundred girls who are not allowed to date boys!"
-citat: okänd

#6  DavidM kezo
2006-02-17 11:21:53

fel fel fel

På tredje våningen vänder kvinnorna och går skräckslagna därifrån. Det verkar helt enkelt för bra för att vara sant ; )

#7  Sv: Roliga historier Gullegubben
2006-02-17 11:34:22

Här är min favorit. Den är väkdig lång, men värd besväret.

The answer comes from ancient days of yore, The Knights of the Round Table era when, Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer this same very difficult question of mine. Arthur, unlike me who has had a lifetime, was given only a year to figure out the answer. If, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed!

The question was: "What do women really want?"

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.

Since it was better than death, however, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, and the court jester.

In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer.

The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first: the old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question: What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life. Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went.

The neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom. What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and passed gas, and made everyone uncomfortable.

The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?

What a cruel question!

Gawain began to think of his predicament: during the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friend, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments? What would *you* do? What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice.











"The Answer"

Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

What is the moral of this story?

The moral of this story, as Gawain learned in the years to come, is that it doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly, smart or dumb, underneath it all, she's still a witch.

#8  Sv: Roliga historier Karra
2006-02-17 13:02:34

Gud, den andra historien var ju bara tragisk.

#9  Sv: Roliga historier soledad
2006-02-17 14:00:33

Ha ha DavidMs första och vitastjernas första var riktigt kul! Gullegubbens var också lite kul, för vändningens skull.

#10  Sv: Roliga historier elu
2006-02-17 15:00:15

Trollstav Klart OT-tråd. Tråden stängs därför.

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