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Japansk Bondage

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#1  Japansk Bondage Matti
2004-06-23 13:46:07

Vill bara höra vad ni får ut av dethär.
Om det är nåt ni anser är fel etc. Hehe.

Part 1

Shibari is an art, one that affects the sub (me) in more ways than one. There is the feel of the ropes surrounding your body as an extension of His hands, there is the helplessness in being bound before someone to be used at will, there is the erotic beauty of knowing you please Him as He looks at You ready for His touch, and there is the closeness of working together to create beauty.
Shibari is often used to refer only to the ropes, and the art of tying someone within those ropes. Thanks to the never-ending patience and guidance of a special Master, I have learned it goes beyond the external to the whole foundation of a relationship.

When I was first introduced to shibari, I was tied into a basic shinju and sukaranbo and teased until the slightest touch on the ropes led me to ecstasy. They added a dimension to the play, making it so I always felt wrapped in His touch. I was kept on edge, with my body constantly stimulated and wanting. I quickly learned to long for His ropes, to welcome them as they enveloped by body. I learned the freedom to be found within the restraint. I came to treasure the ability to leave my every movement open to His direction.

Next, I was taught suspension. I was so uncomfortable in this level of vulnerability in His ropes that I struggled against them instead of allowing them to envelop me. I will never forget Him laughing in my ear as I’m suspended with the ball of one foot touching the ground, fighting the ropes and my own lack of balance. He stepped up to touch me and calm me with His hands, and whispered into my ear "Why are you struggling? Where do you think you’re going? Do you honestly think you’re going to fall?"

We spoke about it afterwards. We reviewed what had happened and discussed my feelings. He also started to teach me about the ropes. Through patience and His unending honor, He taught me to trust in the ropes and to revel in the helplessness found within them. He taught me ways to help me keep my balance and to control my breathing. He showed me little things that become second nature so I no longer focus on what is happening to me and instead just let myself feel.

I have come to love His ropes, aching for the moment they’re put on and missing them when they’re removed. He says the biggest problem He has now is keeping me from dropping so deeply into subspace before He even has me bound completely. There is a freedom to be found within the ropes that I had never dreamed of. They confine while allowing me freedom to move, and they enhance my own sensuality, holding me tight and allowing me to give up everything to Him. Within His ropes, I know my every movement is His to control, that I am helpless and vulnerable to this Man.

But even more than the ropes, shibari incorporates a whole lifestyle. Shibari is consensual D/s in its truest form. I give up every right to Him, but only because He has earned my respect and trust. He does not demand anything of me, and would want nothing of me that I don’t give freely. In the time we’ve been together, He has taught me to give of myself in ways I didn’t think were possible. He demands nothing of me, but rather commands my submission through what I myself want to give Him.

The goal of shibari is not punishment, nor is it control, as many westernized D/s’ ers seem to practice. It is a mutual effort of the Dom and sub to build the best, closest relationship possible. There are no safewords used, scenes are not negotiated, and the concept of "safe, sane and consensual" is not vocalized. Instead there is an honor to be found within the Dom to respect the sub and ensure no harm comes to her in exchange for the total control she gives Him.

To many, shibari may seem extreme. Bondage and suspension can be torturous and painful. In addition, deep humiliation is often used, and the sub really is the Dom’s "object" to be used as He wishes. But this is all used to break down any false inhibitions between the sub and Dom and is never meant to be harmful. Instead, it diminishes and eventually removes any barriers between the two, forming a bond and dependence between the couple that is indescribable.

Shibari brings with it an innate respect for your partner, a desire to please, a closeness and bond I have not witnessed elsewhere. Admittedly, my experience is based on one Master, the Man who owns my soul. I don’t know if it is the same for everyone. I do know a comment I hear frequently in demos or at the local dungeon focuses on the obvious bond and unspoken communication between us.

Master and I are still in the process of learning each other and tightening this bond. His integrity ensures that this is a long-term process. Every day deepens my attachment to and respect for Him. I find myself looking for new ways to please Him, my reward a kiss from Him, or a pat on the head, or a simple "thank you". I serve Him not out of fear of His reaction if I don’t, but because I crave His reaction when I do. I constantly find myself in new situations with Him, and I can almost see the bond between us strengthen as I give more and deeper of myself. I hear the change in His voice as I give yet another portion of my soul to Him. I watch the smile on His face as I learn to hide nothing from Him. I feel His own soul react as I reach into myself to give Him back some tiny portion of what He has given me. And I feel myself continue to search for ways to please Him further.

This may not be shibari to most, but it is what shibari has become to me. I trust this Man. I entrust my body’s health to Him when suspended, the only available touch His ropes and His hands and His choice of implements. I have given Him my heart, knowing He knows of all the scars, all the spots worn weary through misuse, and feeling those scars heal as He strengthens them daily with His presence. I give Him my soul, to lead as He chooses, to take into the depths of hell if He desires, secure in the knowledge that He will walk beside me every step of the way.

Before Master entered my life and so patiently commanded my submission to Him, I never knew the joy to be found in submitting simply because this Man has so thoroughly earned my respect and trust. And because I know I reach unexpected depths by following His lead and holding nothing of myself back. I cannot imagine a truer form of submission for myself than what He is teaching me. And I give thanks every day that this Man claims me as His.. His sub, His lover, His friend and His partner.

Part 2

This is an addendum to "From a sub's point of view". I wrote the first when Daniels and I were fairly new as a couple, and even newer to each other as a 'bondage dyad'. The first post is about shibari as an artform, and how some of the ideology behind it has affected the relationship between Daniels and I, and my own personal growth. This post is a lookback from a couple of years down the road, and talks about how my feelings have changed, or how I've grown even farther with shibari as part of my life.
I was having a difficult time with this, with figuring out what might be different. We had taken two months 'off' from our busy schedule of shibari performances, and have focused on us as a couple instead of a performance team.

It had been a month since I'd even been in His rope. Until last night. Last night, for the first time in a long time, we played with rope strictly for us. Instead of teaching a class, giving a demo, or doing a performance in front of a group, He suspended me for the sole reason that He wanted to do so.

The first thing I noticed was how out of shape I am *laughing*. Positions that have become second nature were felt in the pull of unused muscles. I do a meditative type breathing during a suspension, and was having a difficult time keeping to that last night, something that rarely happens. Next I noticed how ultra intense everything seemed. I *like* intense, but everything seemed to have a heightened reality to it last night. Then, somehow I lost track of what was going on as I slipped into the headspace that is sometimes missing from a performance. I do remember Him kneeling to check on me as I was suspended horizontally.. Him checking to see how I was doing and me being unable to find the words to explain just how well I was feeling. I remember that special smile of satisfaction on His face as He slowly began to untie me until He could hold me tight in His arms. We sat there on the floor just holding each other, reveling in that feeling of calm, and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ear. Our hearts beat together, each beat shouting "YES!!! THIS is what it's all about!!!" Now, 12 hours later, I still feel an amazing peace with the world, and a constant reminder of just how precious shibari is and what it brings to us. We live together as Master/slave. But we also have jobs, raise a family, have social commitments and all the rest. In the mad rush of making and selling rope, doing performances, and all the myriad things that happen in life it seems I'd forgotten some of what makes what Daniels and I have so special.

Has the way we do shibari changed over the years? Absolutely. We have made it more ours. We've found what we enjoy and perfected it. We've tried new things and honed our skills. And even more, the life we live behind it has broadened and deepened. We work together much more smoothly as a team, and not only in rope play. Putting our dyad first has become second nature to each of us and we each have an unimaginable faith that the other will do whatever is possible to continue our growth.

Looking back, I'd have to say we haven't "changed" so much as "evolved". And like evolution, what works and encourages survival has strengthened and become even better. To Daniels.. my Master, my nawashi, my lover, my partner and my best friend.. thank You.. for always being there for me, for letting me give to You, for allowing me the chance to grow with You, and most of all.. for being You.

#2  Texten tillhör Numinous Matti
2004-06-23 13:47:00


#3  Jo, Robert
2004-06-23 15:22:46

det är alltid lika intressant att se hur feminister reagerar på detta med BDSM. Ingen feminist är väl direkt mot BDSM såvitt jag vet, men jag vet inte riktigt hur eller varför. Har de inte någon åsikt eller vågar inte feminister öppet ta strid mot BDSM? Jag får känslan av att feministerna undviker frågan (nu förväntar jag mig en talande tystnad ifrån Josefine m.fl.).

För övrigt så verkar det som att Japanerna är mer sofistikerade när det gäller detta, i alla fall när man läser den här beskrivningen.

#4  Precis Matti
2004-06-23 15:51:36

Mest kvinnan bakom feminismen o varför man har kommit att tro på feminismen. Vissa radikalfeminister skulle nog behöva bli upphängda o handlingförlamade för teraputiskt syfte så att de inte befarar det värsta ifall dem inte ser upp ! *flin*

#5  Matti: Robert
2004-06-23 16:53:04

Ta det försiktigt så att du inte gör dig skyldig till att uppmana till våldtäkt. Det finns feminister som är garanterat humorbefriade.

#6  Haha Matti
2004-06-23 18:28:24

Okej Robert.

#7  BDSM finns inte i det allmäna medvetandet Michael Lundahl
2004-06-28 14:10:55

Allmänhetens medvetenhet om BDSM, vad det innebär och hur det utövas i dess olika former är i princip icke-existerande. Det finns en vag och luddig föreställning om människor som ränner runt i läder&gummi och piper "Spank me, spank me!!!". Därför finns inte BDSM med i diskussionerna trots (eller kanske just därför? /Konspirationsteoretikern) att det i många fall innebär en försvagning av vissa argument som används i de olika feminism-relaterade debatterna.

BDSM är inte den enda sexuella avvikelsen som inte nämns i dessa debatter. Homo/bisexualitet nämns ibland som exempel på paradoxer som uppstår men får inte genomslag. Exhibitionism (den vanligaste förekommande avvikelsen), fetishism, framför allt maktlekar förekommer inte trots att dessa företeelser ger ett rätt annorlunda perspektiv på problematiken.

Det lustiga är att till och med inom de avvikande grupperna så exkluderas andra avvikare. Läderbögarna till exempel har inte alls så gott stöd hos RFSL som man skulla kunna tro. Som en bekant sakastiskt uttryckte det: "Men herregud, de smiskar ju varandra...".

Så det handlar nog inte om en avsiktlig tystnad. Utan man är helt enkelt inte medveten om vad dessa fenomen innebär.


#8  Ingen egentlig avikelse Matti
2004-06-28 21:39:24

Jag tror inte BDSM handlar egentligen inte direkt om en avikelse alls. Piskor m.m får den submissiva att känna sig sårbar då det kommer plötsligt o påverkar denne djupare sårbarhetskänslor vad djupare relation man har med personen. En studie gjorde just om detta, vilket man kom fram till att när en främling slog en på ryggen så reagerade dem inte lika känslomässigt än när deras partner gjorde detta. Så som jag har kommit att förstå BDSM så kan det helt enkelt anspela på normala männskliga känslor för att öka den sexuella spänningen. Att personen känner sig känslomässigt sårbar som per automatik väcker så kallade 'romantiska' känslor till liv till sin 'enda'. Sexuell lust ökar även genom att utsätta sig till sådana känslor: Rädsla, smärta. Utsatthet.

Det sker ett naturlig respons till känsla som mer eller mindre erfars som ett virutellt hot, vart den submissiva känner sig utsatt men ändå säker med sin partner. Adrealinet börjar pumpa, den fysiska stressen öknar även cirkulerande hormoner som testosteron m.m hos både män o kvinnor.
Det är därför kvinnor har t.ex tabufantasier om att bli förgrippna på eftersom det väcker deras mest primitiva känslor till liv. Adrealinet ökar o ens erogena zoner blir känsligare etc etc.
Baby boom effekten någon ?
Man helt enkelt utnyttjar detta för att uppnå ett högre sexuell berusning.

ÄR gudstro t.ex en avikelse. Det är en slags BDSM förhållande man har med en gud. :P Man vill bli bestaffad, att bli belönad. För man vill känna att vad man gör spelar roll. Att vi har nån slags betydelse. Och inom BDSM så kan ett optimalt känsla av tillhörighet mycket väl fås.

#9  Hmm Matti
2004-06-28 22:14:33

Nåt jag verkligen skulle vilja veta vad vissa tycker om denna beskrivning istället.
Själv ser jag inget fel med det.

Fast dessa kan även beskrivas på ett andra sätt vad det handlar om, men om det fanns enbart en sann, en väldigt delad mänsklig rot till dessa känslor så skulle det va olikt hur romantikern beskriver det.

Romantikern skulle väl förklara det som om det fundementalt handlade om självaste relationensn kärna att ge o ta. Att man skapade en känsla av tro till sin partner. Men detta låter mer som just själva huvudsyftet med romantism, sätt o viss som ett slags ritual för en ren samvete.
BDSM kan va för vissa mer som ett klimax i en oren samvete vart dessa skamkänslor ökar intensiteten av erfarenheten. Kanske även i ett rebelisk mane funkar teraputiskt.
Men den ena är den som tar o ger när han gör så.
Så kan det också va, men jag tror det är en respons, inte självaste tillfredställelsen.
Den dominanta vill ta kontroll, utnyttja, känna makt, både genom sitt agerande o hur den 'ägda' erfar det. Eller kanske helt enkelt får partner att tro detta. En känsla av rå o oförfinad maktlystnad som skickar rusnningar igenom hela hans/hennes väsen. En glupsk själ som tillfredställer sig omättligt med att få det mesta ut av det medans partner glatt känner att hon är orsaken till hans lystnad. Om det beror påd individens osäkerhet o vill kort känna sig va i kontroll eller dennes väsen vet jag ej. Den submissiva, stereotypiskt oskyldiga. Inte så mycket oskyldigare men nån som skäms för sina drifter. Känner sexuellt skam. Svagare, räddare. Mer beroende. Denne erfar som hennes/hans superegoistiska relation med vad man gör(omgivningens omdömen) kunde förbigås då den starkare blev hennes/hans herre o hon underordnade sig honom o gav upp hennes vilja: Hon slipper alla samvetskval. Hennes bestraffning är skamsen o får henne att känna sig den som har begått fel tilll naturen, men görs på ett sexuellt vis. blabla.

#10  Humor? Marta
2004-06-30 19:01:02

Jag tyckte inte det du sa Matti om att hanga upp radikalfeminister var speciellt roligt. Jag fattar att du antagligen inte menade menade allvar, men det var inte kul for det.

Lite battre humor: http://www.yttermera.se/ibratorn/index.html

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